CFD Psych

Some of the ideas we talk about in the "Managing Bullies" Class I teach at Child & Family Development in Charlotte, NC, are below.

1)    Be clear about who owns (has) the problem. If it’s the bully, then make sure you don’t steal the problem from him or her.

2)    If the bully verbally attacks you with name-calling, then help them feel better about themselves by encouraging them to “get it out”. Ask them “Anything else?” When they are finished, ask them, “Do you feel better now?”

3)    Develop your own talents and abilities. Pursue your interests. Expand your horizons. The focus does not need to be on making friends, but on pursuing your interests and passions.

4)    Remember, you don’t need friends (in some desperate and needy way). You are more likely to end up with friends if you are into self-improvement, talent development, cultivating your abilities, and expanding your horizons. Undoubtedly, you will not place any obvious barriers in the way of people who might want to approach you.

5)    If physically attacked, block, yell for help, wrestle, or become dead weight as the need arises. Your goal is to survive. Do not use harmful force that could injure the attacker if at all possible. Seek immediate and effective assistance. Use verbal threats, if appropriate, to counter the attacker. Attempt to put the attacker in a potentially embarrassing spot that makes them think twice before proceeding.

 I hope this helps you get an idea or two about some of the basic concepts we discuss and role-play in the managing bullies course. There are others. Practice is central for helping group members make the techniques a natural part of their skill set.  Stephen Elliott, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist