CFD Psych

Social groups are normal, and they are usually healthy and positive when individuals are gathering to focus on talent development, a common interest, to achieve a reasonable goal or to help a worthy cause.

However, social groups can become a problem when the emphasis within the group, or how they present themselves to others, becomes more about “superiority” or “specialness” than it is hard work, talent development, or a worthy cause to benefit others. These groups are sometimes referred to as "cliques". In cliques,  group members are encouraged to feel or think of themselves as “special” just because they are a “member” of that group, while those who are not in the group are viewed as not special, or less special, simply because they are not members of the group.  Bullies are often spawned out of such cliques. It is noteworthy to understand that social cliques and individual bullies are similar in that they are after the same goal, the goal of subjectively experiencing a feeling of superiority over others. They don’t seem aware that they are overcompensating for feelings of inferiority by swinging past the balance towards the other extreme in their pursuit of the superiority feelings they think they need. They completely miss the insight (first attributed to Alfred Adler in the early 1900's) that inferiority and superiority are heads and tails of the same coin. Adler was the first to speak of the inferiority complex and the superiority complex.

It's a great idea to join one or more healthy social groups. Join a common interest group or a talent development group for the right reasons – because of genuine interest in the topic or activity. Work as a team to develop your individual or group talents or achieve an altruistic goal as a group.

Let’s realize that superiority groups, composed of people who think in terms of inferiority for non-members and superiority for members, are best avoided.

Specifically, what can we do if exposed to so many choices (both groups and cliques) as in a school setting?

1. Realize we don’t need a clique.  We do need positive social groups. With a decent self-esteem, we don’t need what cliques as groups are trying to offer. Equality as a person is fine with us.
2. Don’t pay cliques, clique members, or bullies much attention. Attention is what they crave. It feeds their inflated need for superiority over others.
3. Get a life! Join a common interest, talent development, altruistic goal-achieving, or worthy cause group. Enjoy being an equal! Enjoy it fully! For help with child or adolescent adjustment issues or parenting issues, call on a child psychologist or family therapist for a consultation. Best wishes, Stephen Elliott, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Child and Family Development, Charlotte, NC