CFD Psych

When living in the same household as other family members, well, let's put it this way, conflicts are inevitable. Even the people we love dearly will occasionally annoy us. That's right. And we will annoy them, right? So I will assume I have a "yes" on this matter, and I will further assume that we wish our significant other or our family member would change their ways on some matters. We know they aren't perfect and neither are we. This is true for parenting as well.

So, how do we proceed? I would suggest the gardening metaphor works quite well. We can't get the plant to grow by yelling at it. Guilt won't get the plant to grow either. We have to nurture all around the plant and create an environment where the plant will grow naturally. We have to fertilize, weed, give it water, give it sunshine, and protect it from hungry animals and insects. The plant will grow if we are good to it. It's similar with people. Criticism, guilt, and yelling are toxic. Encouragement and positive approaches to problem-solving work best. Clear messages are good while solution-talk appears to work better than blaming and insulting. A therapist can often help us set the stage for better ways to happen than the ways that clearly did not work in the past. Let us know if we can help. Best wishes, Stephen Elliott, Ph.D., Family Therapist