CFD Psych

Here is an observation regarding the Empty Nest stage of life. The more involved and engaged one is as a parent, the more emotionally invested (a good thing), the more difficult the adjustment will be once the Empty Nest stage of life arrives. The most emotionally enthusiastic parents, the supermoms and superdads of the world, are likely to have the hardest time adjusting to not having children in the household. So what can be done to prepare for this stage of life?

One thing surely helps, and that is to plan ahead. Do what you can to transition gradually. For marriages or couples, start going on date nights if you haven't already been doing it. Get away for weekends without the children as often as possible.  When you return, don't share everything with the kids. "That concerns the two of us" can be your standard response when questioned about the detail of your date night or weekend away. Draw some boundaries around the adult relationship subsystem. Allow the marriage to have a life of its own. For single parents, let the children see that you are filling up your life with meaningful activities so they will know you will be fine once they all leave home. Above all else, let it not be said that when the kids all leave home that you need to "get a life". Let them see clearly that you already have one that's working well for you. Best wishes. Stephen Elliott, Ph.D., Family Therapist, Child & Family Development