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Declarative Language is another name for experience sharing communication. Emphasizing Declarative Language has really improved my skills as a pediatric Physical Therapist and as a Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) Certified Consultant.  Experience sharing communication is the use of statements and comments instead of orders and questions that you already know the answer to. 

Imperative communication is what we want to de-emphasize. It includes orders, fill in the blanks, or questions that you already know the answer to.  Examples of Imperative style communication are "Put on your shoes!" "Say 'Bye'", "He is wearing a white____".

When a person is using declarative communication, on the other hand, the goal is to share ideas, perspectives, thoughts, and predictions with another person. In declarative style communication, you comment on things or ask questions that you don't know the answer to.  Examples are, "Wow! That was fun" "What did you think about that?"  The person who uses declarative communication is inviting the other person's insights and adding them to what they already know.  Responses to declarative communication are not rote and cannot be scripted by the person who initiates. 

Research indicates that ordinary conversation between typical children shows 80% declarative communication.  Communication from high functioning autistic children shows less than 1% declarative communication.  Adults interacting with special needs or autistic spectrum children tend to question them and order them around. 

Why switch to declarative style communication with your child?

1.  Think about it.  An order carries within itself the information that tells your child directly what to do.  (i.e. Stand up!, "Look at me!")  It requires minimal cognitive activity.  Comments and statements do not tell your child exactly what to do.  They support processing information and enriching communication.  They allow any type of response. We want to encourage our children to think, ponder, wonder, and connect the dots.  Giving orders does not ask a child to think.  It just tells your child to act.  Encourage thinking. Speak Declaratively!   

2.  If you speak declaratively, you provide a model of experience sharing that is badly needed with autistic spectrum children.  How can they learn to talk declaratively if all you do is order them around? Is that what you want them to do to other people? Declarative conversation is more than means-end conversation. 

3.  I've had many families tell me that switching to declarative style conversation made their child more cooperative. Their children didn't feel they were being ordered around and were more willing to be agreeable.  If your life felt like “boot camp” 24/7 getting ordered around, you’d start to be disagreeable too! 

Contact me to learn more about RDI.